Ryan Roberts - The Search for Meaning in One's Last Breaths

     "The idea, since forever, has been that story is a conveyance, a vehicle, to use in order to think, to move forward through life. At the end of a life that has meaning, the point is not that one is perfected, but that one will still carry a view of self and the world that is divine—and not just some kind of lazy drift. The point is to have enough stories that guide —that will allow life's closing act to end with one's heart still bright, despite the gales that have passed through it —so that it can be said that one has lived with spiritual audacity." - Campbell 27, Introduction to the 2004 Edition.

    This quote probably isn't in your edition of A Hero with A Thousand Faces. It's something exclusive to the 2004 Edition, one I just so happen to have the PDF of. But why mention it? Well, I'd like to tell you a story. This story has touched the hearts of many people, including mine, and I'd like to do the same for all of you. Now, allow me to set the scene.

    I'd been playing a game called Persona 3 Reload since Christmas. And because of how massive the game is, I decided to go with a guide so I didn't miss anything. For context, the game runs on a day-by-day sequence. And you experience every day. Many of them so far had been raising my stats or hanging out with the worst people on the planet. But they're part of the 100% file so, I had to do it.

    But this all changed on August 23, halfway through the game. There's a high school aged man in stripey pajamas sitting on one of the benches. The guide said he was important, so I found his red fountain pen, sat down with him, and expected another riveting conversation about dead/deadbeat parents. But what I was greeted with was something far more impactful. 

    His name is Akinari Kamiki. He is 19 years old. And in a few months, he is going to die. 

    He has completely detached himself from joy in his life due to his suffering, reading books as his only form of escape. But even though he loves reading those stories, he can never finish them. Finishing indicates finality, and leaving a book unfinished gives him a reason to keep waking up in the morning. The story isn't over yet, so neither can his. However, the protagonist inspires him to try living again. He can't do physical things because of his disease, so he decides to write. 

    "[I'm writing] about a pink alligator, one that, because of his color, can't hunt and is always hungry. The other animals of the forest dislike him and call him disgusting; almost like he's cursed. He was so used to living alone, but one day, he made a friend. It was a little bird that had trouble flying. Everyday, the bird would stand on the alligator's back and practice flying. This was the alligator's first friend, and he was very happy. They started going to the river everyday, and the alligator would listen to the little bird sing. 

    But the pink alligator still had trouble hunting, because of his color. He was so terribly easy to spot, and his prey always had plenty of time to escape. Eventually, he became so hungry that he became dizzy... And one afternoon, he accidentally ate the bird as it slept in his mouth. Of course, he'd immediately realized what he'd done. He drank swamp water to vomit his friend back up... but he was too late. The bird was already dead. After that, he couldn't bring himself to eat anything."

    Akinari is so used to suffering and pain that he hadn't realized he'd written something so dark. After all, he used his own life as inspiration. But after the protagonist encourages him to rewrite it, he obliges. The next few days they meet, we are told that's he's stopped taking his medication, and has checked out of the hospital. The medication and visits aren't keeping him alive, just keeping him sedated as he waits for the end. But he just needs to write. 

    "I was having a lot of trouble with the ending... but I finally figured it out. After the alligator ate his friend, he cried and cried for a long time. In fact, he was so sad... that he drowned in his own tears. His tears became a sparkling lake, around which grew beautiful flowers, and a tree that bore delicious fruit. The other animals in the forest came there often to relax... But none of them knew the alligator had created it, or that he was gone.              The End."

    I'd never given any thought to the meaning of my life. I don't believe it's ordained or that I'm destined for something great. But here was Akinari, the exact same age as me, who had found his purpose. He says that the meaning of life isn't something to dwell on. It's more about how he was able to affect others. For just existing is meaning enough. 

    Akinari stands and tells us that he's grateful to have met the protagonist. It seemed something so insignificant, but there was meaning in it. And for the first time, he's glad that he was born. And just like that, he's gone. Akinari dies after finishing his story, and much like the pink alligator, leaves behind something beautiful. 

    I don't know if there is a meaning in life, but I had decided that night that existing and spending time with others was my meaning. It was my call. And when I die, I won't drift lazily towards the light. My ending will be like the final show of a play, one that is bright and hopeful. I hope that some may see my sparkling lake, and enjoy what I've left behind.